gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
You work out of a Hotel?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
