The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
