Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You're so nebulous sometimes
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
