there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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