you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
