Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i think i have two assholes
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize