my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
