woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
