dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
