I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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