my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
