24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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