Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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