the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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