Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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