I think I just saw someone hide a body.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
