The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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