i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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