Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
