Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Let's paint friendship bongs
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Randomize
