Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
