No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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