Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize