Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
