Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
