Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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