Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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