winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
