I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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