WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
