Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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