wakey wakey hands off snakey
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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