I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
