that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
