Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
