Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize