I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize