Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
