You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
