Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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