True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
