I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
