Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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