Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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