people are starting to question the shark bite story
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
