I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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