She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize