It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I got inside last night via doggy door
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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