is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
