I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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