Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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