I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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