All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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