i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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