please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
