I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
