that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
