I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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