I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
