I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
