nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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