I wish my penis had an off switch
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
