Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
