TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
