In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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