once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
