My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
