shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
