dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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