Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just puked most of my soul out..
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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