...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
