At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
