I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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