I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
