The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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