I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
