i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Let the clothes fall where they may.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
