i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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